Letters We've Received From Christian Wives* Dealing With Their Husband's Low Sex Desire...

Do any of these sound familiar to you?

 

“The last time we had sex was 18 months ago…”
“As I look back, the only time we ever had sex was when I initiated it.

The last time we had sex was 18 months ago!

We were on an all inclusive romantic Island and he showed no interest in sex. Although we had a wonderful time, otherwise, I thought we should be making love.

I was so upset that I broke down and cried. I told him, “We are on a beautiful Island, perfect for honeymoons and anniversaries and we are acting like ‘just old friends.’

I want you to know that my husband is a very compassionate loving Christian man. He is loved by everyone that meets him. He doesn’t have a selfish bone in his body; so, I can not figure out why it seems that he is selfish when it comes to making love to me…”
 

 
“I really needed the closeness that only sex can give me…”
“I was just married four months ago and I am completely in love with my husband, and I know he completely loves me, as well.

I'm 25 and he is 32. We waited to have sex until our wedding night.

We talk. We completely trust each other. We have our relationship with God in common and that blesses our life. But, I feel so bad because he is never ‘in the mood.’

How long can I stand this?

I really don't want to let this issue grow bigger until it becomes a wall between us.

Our sex-life when we had it was very enjoyable, but it is just very infrequent.

I really needed the closeness that only sex can give me and you don't get that from someone who is sleeping…”
 

 

“It makes me feel emotionally and physically empty…”

“I found your website while I was trying to find Christian based information regarding sexless marriages.

My husband and I will be married 3 years next week, and this has been an ongoing issue in our relationship from the beginning.

This doesn't bother me until I start going through one of my "down periods"; when his lack of desire for me has gone on for a month or two. It makes me feel emotionally and physically empty.

When it's been too long for me, I begin dreaming about having sex with other people. I always wake up in a bad mood after this, because it's disturbing to me; I know it is wrong.

I have been patiently waiting (for so long!) for him to finally initiate.

One of the things my husband says to me is, ‘If everything else in our marriage is going so well, why can't you give me a break in this one area.’

No matter how many different ways I try to describe how empty this makes me feel, he just doesn’t seem to ‘get it’…”
 

 

“My heart is breaking from the pain of not having an intimate relationship…”

“I was optimistic that when he retired we would be able to focus on our marriage and start over, sexually.

I thought that he would be so excited about us being together all the time that he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off me; wrong!

He retired 3 years ago. There has been no improvement in his sex.

This is so hurtful to me..... i don't want to have to beg for someone to love or pay attention to me. I have cried myself to sleep countless times. We sleep in separate bedrooms most of the time now.

My heart is breaking from the pain of not having an intimate relationship. I wonder why God has chosen me for this kind of relationship. I still feel that I'm capable of great passion.

It's just not enough being married to a great guy; it's still too painful to for me to have a relationship without sex…”
 

 

“Am I just not that interesting anymore? I sure hope not…”

“I am a wife of a husband struggling with low sex interest in the bedroom.

We have two wonderful children who keep me busy but I'm still the one with the higher sex drive at the end of the day. It's frustrating because as a younger adult (pre-marriage), I thought that we would have sex several times a night and desire to be intimate more than once every week or so.

We are still fairly young (he is 30 and I am 27) so what's wrong with us?

Am I just not that interesting anymore? I sure hope not.

His lack of desire not only strains my ability to trust and feel united with him but causes me to second guess my attractiveness.

Who could ever guess this would be such an issue!”
 

 

“For me, it isn't just about sex. I long for a close, intimate relationship with my husband…”
“My husband doesn't seem to be interested. But when he is, he doesn't keep his interest for more than a few minutes. I purchased both books that you sell, but could not get him to read either book.

Frustrated is not a strong enough word. I am committed to my husband and to my vows. I have never been unfaithful.

I love my husband and want this to work. But have absolutely no clue what to do.

For me, it isn't just about sex. I long for a close, intimate relationship with my husband…”
 

 

“Any more, I don’t really even think of it as making love…”
“He seems uninterested in sex and will only have it with me if I insist.

Any more, I don’t really even think of it as making love. I have sort of dismissed that phrase as one of those romantic notions that I was hung up on as a teenager. Its just seems like we are robotically fulfilling (I use the term lightly) a physical need…”
 

 

“At least then I would feel like he still wants me, is still attracted to me, etc..”
“It is a rare occasion to have sex more than once a week.

Normally, sex is only on the weekend because we are too exhausted during the week. We both have full-time jobs that are very stressful and tiring.

Sex has become a chore for both of us.

Sometimes I wish my husband would want sex more often. At least then I would feel like he still wants me, is still attracted to me, etc…”
 

 

“I still feel as if something is missing…”
“I am 36 and my husband is 43. We have been together for 10 years and, initially, we had a very fulfilling sex life. However, after his nervous breakdown, things changed dramatically. We found that my husband had less interest in love making. We went from having sex almost every day to twice a week.

Since I don’t want to demand sex from my husband, I have not complained. He says he doesn't know why he doesn't feel like sex anymore. He says he has just lost interest and finds it boring if we do it all the time.

My husband I have a great relationship, otherwise; we always cuddle, kiss and hold hands, especially before going to sleep at night. We also tell each other how much we love the other on a daily basis. But, I still feel as if something is missing.

Any information I could provide for you that will help me and others in my position would be so greatly appreciated…”
 

 

“I seem to be not enough and yet too much for him to handle…”
“I really have been struggling with my husband’s low sex desire!

My sex drive seems to be in HIGH GEAR these days...I'm 55 years old and have never needed my guy as much as right now!

I try to communicate my needs in loving ways, but he takes any suggestions I have as criticism and totally shuts down.

I seem to be not enough and yet too much for him to handle.

I beat myself up for not having an attractive enough body to turn him on, yet 4 years ago I lost 90 pounds and that made NO difference in his desire for me sexually!

His kisses get us both really excited yet there is no follow up. He is a perfect gentleman (to the point that other women comment on how wonderful he is!). He gives me attention in most every other way....why can't he see that my needs are legitimate, God-given desires? My emotional wellbeing is directly affected by our physical intimacy.

Do you catch the utter frustration I am feeling? His unwillingness to satisfy my sexual needs have resulted in a very “needy” woman.

I don't want to...WILL NOT give up on our marriage of almost 36 years! I am committed to this man, but I can't see my vibrator as my only solution…”
 

 
“I grew up with the belief that it was always the man who wanted sex and the woman didn’t…”
“My husband and I have been married for 8 years in November. I am 25 and my husband is 34. We are the Young Families Leaders at our church. My Husband has, in the 10 years that I have known Him, frequently “suffered from a low libido”.

After reading your email regarding husband’s low sex desire, I just wanted to cry.

I grew up with the belief that it was always the man who wanted sex and the woman didn’t. I thought that there was something wrong with me because I enjoyed and pursued my husband (sometimes even to the point of pushing him further away).

It is amazing to see how we adapt to circumstances; over time I just accepted that he was ‘just like that’ and ‘it wasn’t worth risking my marriage over.’

I even started to believe that with Him as the head of the house, if he didn’t want it then it must have been God’s will for our lives. I became a victim to my own thinking and found that I was starting to get as complacent with it as he was, even to the point that on the rare occasion that he came to me I was too tired and we fell into a vicious cycle of a non-intimate relationship…”

 

 

“It would be the ‘icing on the cake…”
“That is what I am dealing with right now in my life: my husband’s low sexual desire.

I'm 45 years old and my husband is 51. We are both Christians and we are both active in our church. We are so grateful and thankful for all the things God has done in our life. We have been married for 9 months, but we have been together for five.

But…there is one area in which I am very frustrated! Our ‘love making’ is ‘far a few in between.’ It might be only 1-2 times a month and I'm really becoming upset about it.

My husband is a hard working and provides for the family, and we enjoy each other so much. We have our pillow talk time and enjoy having people over to our house, however, for me to feel complete, I want him body and soul. To me that would make it perfect; it would be the ‘icing on the cake.’…”
 

 

“He always says, 'Women shouldn’t want sex so much...'
“I have found problems in my sexual relationship with my husband. I tend to be the one who wants sex and he doesn't.

This really bothers me. I feel neglected when he doesn't want to have sex with me, sexually and emotionally.

He always says, “Women shouldn’t want sex so much.” I don't know how to change his mind. Is there anything that I as a wife and woman can do about any of this?”
 

 

“It can make me feel rejected and unattractive…”
“I am one of those wives that need more sex!

I did have expectations that GOD would not let anything be wrong in this area of our relationship.

The wedding night was great and the honeymoon as well, it was once we got back in to real life that it started to decline.

I know my husband loves me, I have no doubt in that; he is extremely affectionate and loving, otherwise. The problems are only when it comes down to sex. It can make me feel rejected and unattractive, which after only 5 months of marriage can be hard to handle…”
 

 

“HELP…”
“I'm married to a pastor and I try (by all means) to be sexually inviting to my husband.

But, it's very difficult as he always comes home late and tired from dealing with all the issues at church.

We've tried to set aside special time for Intimacy but ‘emergencies’ always come up and he has to go pray for somebody or sort out some or other issue.

How do we get it right?

If I am ‘starved,’ sexually, that can’t be good for our marriage.

HELP!”
 

 

 

*Names have been withheld because of the nature of these letters. We respect our readers privacy and do not publish contact information without permission.